Who is that girl I see
Staring straight back at me?
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside?

Lifelyrics: Christina Aguilera, Reflection.

Have you ever looked in the mirror and felt like the girl looking back just isn’t YOU?

Now don’t get me wrong, I am all for the self love movement and I am 100 percent in support of loving your self for who you are.. But I am also aware that sometimes we can end up wanting change. Needing change both physically and also mentally. So today I thought I’d share a couple of pics. Both me. But different. Different both inside and out.

So the girl on the right (me) is someone I barely recognise. This photo was taken roughly three years ago. We were waving goodbye to a friend on the tube and she’d taken a picture. I remember looking at the picture when she sent it through and hating myself. I had no control over the food that I ate. I had just been out for a meal with friends, but the eating wouldn’t stop there. I’d go home and continue. Food was the way that I dealt with he difficult parts of life that we all have to face. I think that this was about the time that I went to the eating disorder clinic to get help. I’d binge regularly as a way of coping with life. On a difficult week I’d be bingeing 6-7 times a week.  I would of hated training. I’d be too embarrassed to go to class for fear of being too slow or for fear of being stood next to someone I perceived as being a thinner, prettier woman. I had little confidence and I was bored of starting fad diets and failing every single time.

So I made a decision to change. It wasn’t the first time I’d made this decision. But this time was different.

How I did it….

I started to take small steps.
A behavioural pattern that had started early in my teens. I took one day at a time. I startedby walking and then jogging out in the park with my dog twiggy. It was slow but it was movement. Movement in the direction that I needed to go in. I had realised that safety will never be found from eating 10 dairy milk chocolate bars in one go. Home would never be found on my plate. SO I CHANGED MY DIET. I began to eat for my brain rather than my body and over time I watched as the changes unfurled. As I started to see the weight shift I decided that I felt confident enough to join a gym. Fast forward 3 years and I now train 5/6 times a way in a variety of hit based classes and I love it. This is obviously a very short and summarised version of my own personal story but ultimately I want to let you know that If I can do it. Anyone can.

This weeks actionable Advice to Battle the Binge -:

1.). The next time you go to binge. Do it mindfully. Often when we are bingeing we are not fully there. Our animal brain has taken over and we are just rolling through the motions….. but in order to stop the habit you need to become familiar with it. You need to get really close to it. The more you can understand your binge the quicker you are going to be able  to arm yourself to attack it.

So get a pen and paper and get tracking….

What have my binges had in common? Do they happen at the same time of day? What are their triggers? Can I identify them? What am I eating in my binges? Why am I eating these particular foods? What am I eating outside of a binge? Am I trying to limit my eating? Am I eating normal meals? Are there days that I diet and days that I binge?

Start by getting it all down on paper and then take some time to get familiar with it. Are there any patterns?? What steps can you take to avoid your triggers?

Cut yourself some slack- overcoming any addictive habit can be really really hard and it is going to take time. So take each day as it comes. Have faith in yourself. YOU can and YOU will get there!